Friday, November 30, 2007

Why?

I've had no desire to write in my blog the past few days. My mind has been elsewhere after Brooklyn's Neuro appointment. I can't think of anything else but the news we received and when I do take a moment to regroup and try and think of other things I feel guilty for not focusing solely on her. My life; it's changed in an instance. And who knows what other diagnosis's we will receive. How do I find the courage to be strong, to not crumble? All I do is cry. My heart aches every time I think of what her future will be like. My poor baby girl, I want so much for this all to be a bad dream. My daughter is never going to be normal. Never. How do I find the strength to accept that? How do I pick myself up and be the strong mother that so many feel I am? Dale says I can't let this ruin our lives and I know he's right but it's so hard to deal with the reality that this is now my life. I need to grieve for what she will never be and I don't think he understands my feelings. :(

I spoke with B's pediatrician today and she said she would refer us to Boston Children's hospital for a second opinion. She also said that she was going to work on getting us a social worker who would help us out with different financial programs for children with disabilities. She said that we are going to need all the resources we can get because unfortunately, her care is going to be very expensive. She also said she would be eligible for disability. I can hardly believe it when I type it. God give me strength.

4 comments:

Minilegs said...

as you said, you need to grieve. Do it how you see fit. I pray for B of course and her care now and for the future. I pray for you and your family that you will be able to grieve and then work through this difficult time, Amy. You will find the strength eventually. I'm sure your husband and family don't expect you to be bulletproof. Don't expect it of yourself, you're human. We all love you tons lady!

Mel

Jerinda said...

I agree that you need to grieve. We all have expectations for our lives and when we find out it won't be as we planned, we must grieve. No matter what the future holds, know that you are a strong woman and WONDERFUL mother to all 4 of your children. Brooklyn could not have been given a better mother.

Also, always remember that miracles do happen. I love you and think of you and B every day.

Cousin Amy said...

Hi Amy, I just wanted you to know that you all have been in my prayers. It's oky to grieve there's been a death, your dreams for B to have a normal life it's the same as losing a child but the good thing is you can hold her and hug her and give tons of kisses you'll have good days and bad days but just hold on to the good ones. Take one day at a time and somtimes you'll have to take one hour at a time. I don't want to sound preachy or pushy just that I love you guys and really understand what your going through.

Heather said...

Absolutely nothing wrong with grieving for what Brooklyn will never know/be.
I love you and B. Hope you get her scheduled down in Boston soon and get some more detailed and thorough explanations.